If the Orioles Were A Celebrity…


What celebrity would the Orioles be?  I was thinking about Lindsay Lohan recently and what a train wreck she has become and I started to think she is a lot like the Orioles.  I figured it would be an interesting experiment to see which celebrity Orioles fans thought represented the Orioles the most.  In fact, this can be done with any sports team, but when I thought of Lohan, I immediately noticed the similarities with the Orioles franchise.

First, Lindsay Lohan is young and full of potential.  I think this applies to the Orioles.  The Orioles hope for success lies with their young pitchers and position players.  Andy MacPhail’s motto was to grow the arms and buy the bats.  This is a good theory, as long as the arms you are growing are successful and the money you are spending on bats is for hitters who are in their prime.  The Orioles rotation has at one point or another consisted of a number of early to mid twenty year old hurlers who are full of potential.  Matusz, Britton, Arrieta, Tillman, and Bergesen all have potential but have recently all struggled.  The young pitching that was so full of potential now looks like it could lead to the demise of another round of rebuilding for the Orioles.  In addition, you have Adam Jones and Matt Wieters.  Players full of potential who have shown signs of breaking out and becoming superstars, but have yet to consistently do so.  In their defense, Jones has already been an All-Star and could be a two time All-Star if voted in by the fans in the final vote this year and Wieters is going to his first All-Star game this season.  So the potential and youth has shown signs of breaking through for the Orioles, but it has mostly been a disappointment up until this point.  Does it remind you of Lohan?  Lindsay Lohan was acting as a young girl and even now in her 20’s is considered an actress who is full of potential that she hasn’t lived up to…yet.

Secondly, (and this is where the comparison really comes to life) Lohan is a train wreck.  Every time you think she is getting back on track she ends up snorting something, drinking something, or stealing something.  However, Lohan is full of talent and is hot so people will keep giving her chances.  The Orioles are a very similar train wreck.  Every time the Orioles get a new general manager or a new manager, fans build up hope that the team will turn it around and live up to its potential.  With every new high profile prospect that comes through the Orioles farm system, fans hope that they will be the superstar the team so desperately needs.  Well, just like Lindsay Lohan who can’t seem to stop making an ass out of herself the Orioles just can’t stop their losing ways.

Believe it or not there is actually a similarity with Lindsay Lohan’s looks and the Baltimore Orioles. Yes I am comparing Lindsay Lohan’s looks to a baseball franchise.  Lohan was at one point turning into one of the hottest celebrities in Hollywood.  Then she got really skinny, dyed her hair blonde, and the partying started taking its toll.  She still has her moments where she can look hot, but its just not the same.  The same goes for Camden Yards.  The ballpark was once one of the best ballparks for players to play in and fans to watch games in.  Now, because of years of losing, the ballpark doesn’t have the same allure it once had.  It isn’t the same watching the Orioles play the Yankees when Camden Yards is filled with obnoxious Yankees fans.  It defenitely isn’t the same going to a game at Camden Yards when more than half the ballpark is empty.  Camden Yards is still a beautiful ballpark, but there just isnt’ that same excitement anymore.  Years of losing has hurt Camden Yards just like years of partying has hurt Lohan.

Yet another similarity is the way Lohan and the Orioles have decided to spend their money.  Sure there are celebrities with more money just like there are other baseball teams with more money than the Orioles. However, both Lohan and the Orioles have enough money to achieve success, they just haven’t made the smartest decisions with the money.  Lohan spent her money on booze and cocaine (allegedly) ((I do not know if Lindsay Lohan ever actually spent money to buy cocaine)) while the Orioles spent their money on Mike Gonzalez and Garrett Atkins (The Orioles did in fact spend money on Mike Gonzalez).  Which was a bigger waste of money? I will leave that for you to decide.

Lastly, its not just Lindsay Lohan that has proven to be a disaster, just like its not just the Orioles play on the field that has been a major disappointment for fans.  Lindsay Lohan’s family is a mess.  I’m not going to go into the reasons why, but I’m sure if you follow Lindsay Lohan at all you know she wasn’t raised by the best parents.  My guess is neither her mom or dad were given a “World’s Best Mom/Dad” t-shirt lately.  This is similar to the way the Orioles have been run over the last decade plus.  Sure there have been a number of different general managers at the helm, but it always seemed like the Orioles weren’t being run efficiently.  Maybe the blame should all come down on the owner Peter Angelos who I’m sure would make a lot of fans happy if he just sold the Orioles.  I will take one more guess and say Angelos hasn’t been given a “World’s Best Owner” t-shirt lately as well.

So there you have it, Lindsay Lohan and the Baltimore Orioles are like two peas in a sucky pod.  Both, once beautiful and full of potential, now can’t seem to get out of their own way long enough to attain success.  Will they ever bounce back and reach the top?  Who is more likely to attain success?  I guess only time will tell.  If you had to compare the Baltimore Orioles to a celebrity who would the celebrity be?